Please help me. I cannot get this right.

[kate]

Title: John the True
Author: kisahawklin/kate
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: John/Rodney friendship
Rating: 10+
Word count: 4104
Author's Notes: based on the fairytale Faithful John. Originally I had this idea for the Fairytale challenge at sga_flashfic but it didn't quite get done. Then lavvyan needed a pick-me-up so I dusted it off, basically rewrote the whole thing, and here it is. Problem is - it's still not working quite right. I wrote this in a hurry, and late (until 3am last night), so it might just be that I was exhausted and rushing. I'm wondering if all I really need is to expand things, that it's too rushed. But I don't think so - I feel like I have no ending, like I am missing some way to bring home the message of trust that isn't just patting the characters on the head and saying 'do better next time'. Help!

crossposted to concrit_my_fic, sorry for any duplication on your flists!

( John the True )